Pretending
by Samantha.Majka
Summary: Jack saved her. In a certain sense. Set after the episode "Desperate Measures".
1. Prologue

**_Wow, my 30th story. _**

_I guess it's time to change the style of stories I was publishing. This story, which I called "Pretending" is a pure story of suspense, it's emotional and only mentaly-strong people can read it. The prologue is not that strong but the next chapters will be really dark and sad. Anyway, I hope you will like my story.  
_

_Thank you Chloe for your amazing work, you can't imagine how much you help me. *hugs*  
_

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**Prologue**

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„Let's go to work, finally," Sam thought as she was entering her car that had been standing in the same place in front of the house for a week. She was looking forward to go back to work, but on the other hand she was scared. She was scared that someone will disclose her secret, her weakness. She wasn't even sure she was doing the right thing. She was only certain that if she stayed at home for one more day she would fall into it even more. Sam wanted to quit, she tried to think about something else, but her thoughts always turned back.

It wasn't her fault .

After all, the condition she was in wasn't her fault, it was caused by the involuntary stay in the old hospital and knowing that she may never get out. She was supposed to die there. Her brain should have been used for a scientific research. She was about to pay the highest price for the unique qualities of her blood. All this should have happened.

If Jack had not saved her.

He came at the elventh hour, just in time, when one of the doctors was leaning over her with a syringe in his hand filled with a lethal substance. She did not want to think about what the substance was.

Even if it was because of Jack she wanted to do her best to stop with everything. He didn't deserve that. That voice inside her head kept telling her that she would not get rid of it as easy as she thought. She was hoping that nobody will notice her at least.

While she was driving she was taking in the smell of the fresh air that was flowing through the half-opened window. She was moving her hands around the perimeter of the wheel and was tilting her head in the rhythm of the songs that were playing on the radio.

She felt relatively well. Sam arrived at SGC, inserted her access card into the reader. The gate opened and she drove her car to her parking spot. She was returning to her routine. Parking, using the lift, cloakroom, conference room, meeting, preparing for a mission, passing through the StaGate.

„Carter," Jack spoke to her when he saw her coming out of the women's locker room.

Sam just quickly hid the plastic transparent bag filled with something Jack couldn't recognise in her pocket and turned to see him.

„Sir!" Sam burst out and stood to attention.

„I am back in service," she added and saluted.

„Welcome, I am glad to see you here. How do you feel?" Jack asked and looked her directly in the eye.

„I am fine, thank you," Sam answered and when Jack with a smile on his lips started turning around to the door of his dressing room, she put her hand on his shoulder.

„Sir, I would like to tell you something," she wanted him to pay attention so she gently turned him back to see his face.

The look of curiosity on Jack's face always made her smile. She loved when he was looking at her this way. Whenever he gave her that look, her knees went weak. He was so cute.

„Yes?" Jack asked uncertainly.

„I wanted to thank you for what you did, that you came for me. You saved me," Sam finished the sentence and when she realized, what she had just said, her body shook. Yes, he saved her. In a certain sense.

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**_TBC_**


	2. Chapter 1

_First chapter._ _I will try to publish next chapter soon. I hope you like the story. Please, leave me a review (negative or positive). All reviews are appreciated. Thanks. Sammie_

_Enjoy._**  
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_**Chapter 1**  
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„Carter!" Jack was furiously knocking at the door of Sam's quarters. When he heard the quiet „I am coming," he turned around and went back to the gateroom where the other members of SG-1 were waiting.

Sam was sitting in the corner of the room, her head leaning against the solid surface of the closet and she was squeezing the syringe with a needle in her hand. She did it again. She broke a promise to herself, the promise, that she would never do that again and that she would quit taking that stuff. But the withdrawal always drove her crazy, it was unbearable. The only redemption for her was methamphetamine. Her addiction wasn't so bad yet. She had only started taking it just a week ago. Two doses per day. It was enough. For now. Sam closed her eyes and tilted her head. She felt the drug flowing into the bloodstream to every part of her body. She started feeling some kind of a relief. Sam was breathing deeply.

She was walking down the hallway and praying that no one would notice. But it was only a matter of time before someone would. Whether decreasing supplies of methamphetamine in the infirmary or her eyes, which were becoming increasingly sunken.

Sam wasn't in a good mood in the past few days. She kept refusing everyone and for her behaviour she was blaming the family problems. This hide-and-seak game should not have lasted for a long time. When she saw Jack's impatient look in his face she rather bowed her head and didn't dare to look him in the eye.

„Cart..." Jack couldn't finish the sentence, he was stopped by Daniel.

„Leave her alone," Daniel said and stood next to Sam, but did not say a word to her.

The whole room was flooded with a bright blue light from the event horizon, from the Stargate's wormhole, reflecting on the walls and on the glass. The whole team stepped into the blue sea and went through the StarGate, to the other side.

„Carter!" cried Jack. Immediately after passing through the gate Sam collapsed on the ground. Drops of cold sweat appeared on her forehead, she started shaking and her breathing was rapid and shallow.

„Her pulse is quick and irregular!" Jack burst out.

„Pull her away from the gate, Jack! I will dial the address back home," said Daniel. Jack took every bag and gun, every part of her equipment that she was wearing off of her body and took her in his arms. He was feeling awful. Hopeless.

„Sam?" Jack called her name and ignored his friends who stared at him in surprise.

„Can you hear me?" he added but Sam didn't answer.

„We need a doctor!" cried Jack immediately after passing back through the gate to the SGC. He ran down from the ramp and put Sam on the camp bed which Janet and a group of medics had brought.

„What happened?" asked Janet as she began to examine Sam.

„What's happening, doc?" impatient Jack couldn't stand the silence.

„According to all the symptoms I would guess we are dealing with a total collapse of the body, but I will know more after I run some tests. Take her to infirmary!" Janet gave orders and the bed with motioneless Sam was put into motion.

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**_TBC_**


	3. Chapter 2

_I hope you will like this chapter. It's more emotional and even longer. Let me know what you think. All reviews are appreciated.**  
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**Chapter 2  
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For the second time. It broke his heart to see her in that condition. For the second time he had almost lost her. Her heart stopped beating, and in that moment his life lost its meaning. He never shared with anyone that he had feelings towards Sam. He liked her, more than he was supposed to. The medical team brought her back everytime she collapsed. They were fighting as hard as they could to save her life. Janet was the strongest. She never gave up, even when it seemed hopeless. Every breath Sam took poured a new wave of hope into his veins. Thanks to every pitched sound of the pacemaker, indicating the beat of her heart, his hope was stronger. He didn't even know why he was looking at her, but there was something telling him to stay close to her. He was afraid, actually, he was terrified. Sam finally stabilized, her vital functions seemed to be alright. But for how long? Jack wiped his sweaty forehead. He felt tired, like he was running a marathon. The level of adrenaline was dangerously high and his heart was beating so fast he thought it might jump out of his chest. He was watching every single movement of her rib cage, rising and falling slowly, according to the frequency of breathing. He could not have noticed the subtle tremmor which was still present. He kept asking himself, what actually happened. He didn't notice anything strange before they passed through the stargate. Maybe he wasn't paying attention to her. The relationship, they built, had suffered wounds. Their friendship was strong, but after what happened a week ago, he felt that the distance between him and Samantha had become wider. Not so much on his part.

Sam withdrew herself into the background, she wasn't talking to him as often as she did before. Everytime, he tried to talk to her, Sam only lowered her eyes and used the excess of the work as an excuse. A week ago, she had days off and when he accidently apperead in the doorway, she didn't even let him step inside. She only lowered her eyes and apologized for being tired.

„But Carter, I brought a movie and pizza, your favourite," he tried to make her change her mind. She was adamant. She literally pushed him away from the doorway and slammed the door in his face. She didn't look him in the eye, even once. He started thinking about how long it had been since he had seen her beautiful blue eyes, eyes full of life. He missed them. He missed Sam.

When he went through all the events in his mind, he realized that Sam was lowering her eyes quite often. But why?

Janet finally came out of the infirmary, and headed immediately to Jack. She knew how he was feeling, his look told her. The scared and empty look of a person who is losing someone who has been close to them. She caught his hand and looked him straight in the eye.

„Sir, I still haven't got results of the tests yet, so I can't tell what happened. I am sorry, you need to wait a little bit longer," Janet tried to calm her superior.

„What just happened? How is she?" Jack asked and his eyes rested again on the unmoving body lying on one of the beds, on which he had laid many times.

„We almost lost her, twice. Resuscitation was succesful and I am certain that the brain damage will be minimal," Janet said and swallowed heavily.

„Brain damage?" asked Jack in surprise. He couldn't imagine Sam in a wheelchair or being completely paralyzed. And he did not want to imagine that she wouldn't be a member of his team anymore. He knew very well that these thoughts were only something, like a cover for his real feelings. He was struggling with himself and he wasn't able to admit that he was in love with her. It was both unprofessional and dangerous. But in this moment he didn't care about that. He did not care if he would lose his job because of these feelings. The only thing he cared about, was her.

„Don't worry, sir, it's on such a small scale that it won't reflect on Sam. It was just a temporary lack of oxygen," Janet said and squeezed his hand tightly.

„If you need anything, I will be in the lab," said the doctor and before she could turn around and leave, Jack grabbed her arm.

„Can I go to her?" he asked with literally a begging look.

Yes, even I wanted to suggest you to go there. I will be calmer when someone's with her and supervises until I get back,! Janet replied softly and smiled.

„Thank you, doc." Jack took another look at the room through the large glass window. All the machines, tubes, monitors. But ultimately rested his gaze on Sam's face. She was still unconscious, pale and breathing shallowly. The tremmor of her limbs didn't stop. Now he finally noticed how tiny she is. In spite of everything, she was beautiful. It made him shiver.

Hesitantly, he reached the handle and opened the door. The air was heavy, it made his knees felt death everywhere. He could not remember how he felt when he was injured. All the pain he had ever suffered from, trumped the feeling of losing someone. As if all the pain and suffering Sam was going through passed onto him. Jack wished he could take it and carry it. When his fingers touched the chair that was standing nearby, his body shook. Everything was so cold, unpleasant.

From all sides the sound of devices could be heard and when he was moving a chair across the room, he didn't even notice the whistling sound the feet of the chair were making. It was sterilised room which was used only for the special cases. Everything was perfectly smooth and shiny. Every surface he could see or touched was washable. He could feel the moisture of the disinfectants which the nurses used when they were washing the room to prevent the spread of infection. Sam was in a condition where even every small microorganism could cause some complication. Finally he sat down on the chair, looked at the stone face of the motionless patient. Deepened facial features, her lips lost their color and when he removed some stray strands of hair away from her forehead, he could see some wrinkles.

„How could she change like that during one week?" he asked himself.

He didn't know how long he was sitting there. He fell asleep from the nervous tension and exhaustion. Janet woke him up when she came to the room.

„Sir?" she called him nicely waking him up. He literally jumped out of the chair.

„You startled me!" added Janet. She expected him to smile a little but she didn't get any smile.

„Janet, tell me what's going on," begged Jack and waited for the answer.

„Sir, I don't know how we could miss it but Sam is ..." Janet paused. She knew that this discovery would hurt him. _She_ didn't even want to believe in what she had seen on the test report.

That's why she ran the tests once again to be sure. Sadly, it all was true.

„Sam is what ... ?" Jack insisted. That ignorance was killing him. He really needed to know what was going on with Sam. Whether it was good or bad. He only needed something to hold on to. He was thinking about possible theories and about what could have happened during the last few days. He even started blaming himself.

„Sam is a drug addict, sir," Janet interrupted Jack's line of thoughts.

„Excuse me?" Jack said. He was not sure he heard right. The buzzing sound in his ears made him shiver. He was so tired.

„Sam uses methamphetamine. Well, she was in the last few days." Said Janet. She was disappointed. Very disappointed. She couldn't believe that Sam had gotten into so much trouble. But neither her frustration and disappointment, nor General Hammond's, found out just a few minutes previous, couldn't be compared to what Jack was feeling. It was visible in his eyes. Even though he was always the strong one, the one that showed only so few emotions, this time the message just knocked him for six. Tear after tear rolled down from his eyes. Jack tried to cover it up, but then he realized that this was not what mattered, he started crying. Janet slowly came closer to him, she put Sam's file on the table and pressed her body against his. She hugged him. She knew that there were no words that would ease Jack's pain so she wrapped her arms around his body and closed her eyes.

„Sir, let's not jump to a conclusion. Maybe Sam had a good reason for why she did it," Janet tried to calm her superior down.

„When she wakes up?" Jack asked. Janet flinched. She couldn't hear sobbing anymore, she didn't feel tears that were falling from his eyes directly into her hair. What she could feel was was as if something in him just broke. It felt like his heart changed into a piece of ice in a second.

„Did he really stop caring about her?" Janet asked herself.

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_**TBC**_


	4. Chapter 3

Enjoy.

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**_Chapter 3  
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He wished he could wake her up. If only he could talk to her for a moment at least. He already felt like he was going crazy from the silence all around him. He was tapping his foot, rubbing his hands and his gaze was moving from one corner of the room to another.

He was sitting next to the bed where Sam was lying. His body was bent against the edge of the bed. Jack was holding a hand of the woman who was breathing lightly. He was checking her vital functions even better than any of the devices around him did. He prayed she would survive.

Two days passed. Her condition had not changed during those two days. Jack left Sam only when it was really important. He refused to go on missions, he refused to talk to general. He stayed away from Daniel and Teal'c. Everything that was happening in SGC wasn't important for him anymore.

„Janet?" he called the doc's name almost whispering through the intercom.

„I think she is waking up," he added and got up from the chair. He bent over her and his fingers gently touched her cheek.

„Sam?" her name came out from Jack's mouth, his voice was shaking as if he was afraid that a higher intensity of his voice would make her fall to pieces. Meanwhile, Janet walked into the room.

„Sam?" Janet approached her and touched her hand.

„Sir?" Sam said as soon as she opened her eyes. She blinked several times to get rid of the blurred vision. She wanted to move but didn't have strength to move or even turn her head.

„Janet?" Sam finally let Janet know that she noticed her presence.

„What happened?" she looked back at Jack.

„You should not talk that much now, we will discuss it later,ok?" whispered Janet. She was trying to delay the inevitable. These were the questions Jack wanted to be answered. When Janet saw Jack's face she realized that he would not want to wait any longer.

„No,no, doctor. Please, let me stay with Sam here alone." Janet looked at Jack and then back to Sam. Sam nodded gently.

„Few minutes!" Janet said vigorously and left the room. She didn't want to let her stay alone with him in that room. She knew Jack would have a lot of questions and would want to know the answers immediately. Janet didn't want to make her patient feel more exhausted. She was repsonsible for her condition whilst in the infirmary, and on the other hand, Sam was her good friend.

Just few moments before, Jack had had so many questions he wanted to ask, but when they were finally alone in the room, he didn't know what to say. He was only looking into the eyes of a woman who he loved and who also disappointed him. He promised to stay strong and not to think about possible theories, but he couldn't help himself. In that moment, when Janet's lips let come out the words „drug addict" the whole idea of the perfection of the human being lying in front of him was gone. As if his love for Sam was turned into ice. But how was it possible that his heart was beating so fast when he was sitting near her, when he was looking into her eyes? He couldn't figure out what was happening to him, he didn't understand anything, not even himself. His fingers stroked Sam's face and he bent over her bed.

He kissed her. It felt like eternity.

Their lips met only for a moment, but for him, it was endless.

He could not be angry at her. While sitting next to her bed, waiting for her to wake up, he was playing in his mind all the possible forms of their first conversation when she woke up. All of them ended by yelling at her, he was getting his anger out and kept asking question why she did it and why she didn't come to him when she got into this trouble. After all, they were like a family. He would understand it and perhaps he would help. He insisted on remaining inaccessible, cold. But in that moment, when he looked deeply into her eyes that were full of pain and loss, he could not ask any questions. The kiss said it all.

It lasted only a few seconds. They were looking into each other's eyes, they were talking without words. One of the devices started making a noise that was not common, so Janet walked into the room frightened that something happened. On a tray which Janet had in her hands there were a range of injections that one after the other she applied directly to the infusion. Sam's body convulsed violently, she was shaking and her tightly clenched lips let out a sound that was like a dagger thrusting into Jack's heart. He grabbed her hands which were trembling.

„Sam?" he called her name. He wished he could take all her suffering away.

„Her body is going through withdrawal symptoms," Janet explained and sped up the flow of the fluid in the infusion. Withing a few seconds Sam calmed down.

„She took a lot more of the drug than her body was able to handle in any way," the doctor explained to Jack about Sam's condition.

„You should go and rest," suggested Janet and gently touched his hand.

„You look exhausted!" she added.

„I am not going anywhere!" he screamed. When he realized how strong his voice was he only covered his mouth with his finger. Jack now looked like a little kid who just said something he should not. Janet only smiled and left them alone. Jack turned his whole body so he could see her face. Samantha's body remined motionless, her eyes were watching Jack. She didn't stop watching him for a second. She felt his hand on her shoulder and when he began to move it towards her hand, she shivered. Sam didn't want to be quiet anymore. She wanted to tell him everything.

„Sir?" her voice was trembling.

„I want to explain everything to you," Sam started talking and coughing. She gathered all her strength which was left. Even if it was the last thing she would say. Jack deserved an explanation.

„Yes, it's my fault that I fell into it, but do you remember the hospital? The moment when you saved me from a certain death?" she swallowed and coughed again as if she run out of oxygen.

„Sam, you should stay calm, you will explain everything to me when you feel better," Jack tried to stop her. Even if he really wanted to know what happened, it still wasn't more important then the life of the woman he saw in front of him. He watched her to struggle for her life.

„I have to tell you," Sam said with a hint of excitement and her voice was still shaking. She knew she should not talk to her superior like that. She would not be allowed to talk to him like that under normal circumstances. Sam felt so much respect for him. She didn't want to waste her time. Clearing her throat, to get rid of the dumpling, which was created because of the fear, Sam started explaining what she had to go through. Jack moved his chair closer to her bed. He gently took her hand and their fingers intertwined.

„Adrien Conrad's doctors studied physiology of my brain as it has been modified by the symbiote that I had in my body. Adrian wanted to find a way to safely remove a symbiote after implantation. They gave me every possible drug, I was literally like their guinea pig," Sam finished the sentence and started breathing heavily. Painful memories were coming back.

„From the day I came back to SGC, I felt miserable. Terrible headaches, tremor, I was feeling sick, I vomited frequently. I couldn't bare it anymore. I went to the infirmary and I took something for the pain, but it didn't help. I was just taking one drug after another, hoping to find something what would help me. Unfortunately, there was nothing what would help me," Sam tried not to cry, however she was not strong enough to handle these memories and feelings. Jack wiped the tears that were falling down from her eyes and were running down her cheeks.

„Shhh, don't cry, you are safe now," Jack assured her softly.

„Then I saw the ampule with methamphetamine. I knew it was risky to use it but I was so desperate that I tried it at the end. Finally, the pain and tremor disappeared. I felt great. But not for long. I needed a new dose and then more and more. And now, I am addicted," she started sobbing.

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**_TBC_**


	5. Chapter 4

_Enjoy and review. Thank you.**  
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_**Chapter 4**_

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He didn't even know how he got to the locker room. He was sitting on a bench with his head down, remembering the faces he passed by in the hallways on the way to the quarters. He could not recall even one. He didn't remember if he used the elevator or the stairs. Jack wasn't sure why he went to the quarters. The only thing that sounded in his mind was Sam's voice saying „_Oh god, I am addicted_."

In his life, Jack had a chance to meet a lot of people, people with different problems, but any of their problems wasn't as severe as this one. It was something personal, something that has affected him and he started to feel lost in it. This time he felt responsible for what had happened. His world had begun to revolve around one person. He ingored Daniel and Teal'c who just came to the locker room to change. He didn't listen to what they were saying, even when Daniel increased his voice to make Jack notice their presence, it didn't wake him up from thinking. Daniel sat down next to him and Jack felt a movement beside him, he turned around.

„What?" Jack burst out angrily at Daniel. He didn't realize how he was acting. Everything around was annoying him, everybody was bothering him. Everyone just kept saying that it would be alright again. It was too much for him. It wasn't working. He turned around to face Daniel and took a deep breath. He wanted to scream, he needed someone to discharge his anger and disappointment on. He knew that what was happening to Sam was not either Daniel's or Tealc's fault, but he didn't care this time. He knew that it would ease the pain. At least for a while. For the few minutes till he sees her again. Before he would, again, fall into depression.

Everyone in SGC knew that Jack was a man of action. He was not used to waiting long for something, nor was he patient. But the helplessness was the worst feeling he felt.

He would do anything for Sam.

He was still staring at Daniel with his mouth open, ready to scream. His thoughts were chaotically spilling one over another. Jack closed his mouth, swallowed hard and stood up from the bench. Without a word, he left and slammed the door behind him. He needed to see her, to hear her raspy voice, to see her sad but still beautiful blue eyes. He was sure he would pay a high price, but it was worth the risk.

Like someone who just lost his mind he walked briskly toward the infirmary. He went direclty to the room where she was laying. He almost touched the handle of the door of her room when Janet crossed his way and stood right in front of him.

„Sir, you can't go in now!" a firm voice stopped him.

„And who are you to be giving me orders?" Jack shouted and then he realized how ugly the tone of his voice sounded. Janet took his hand he kept stretched to the handle and even if he tried, Janet managed to drag him away from the door.

„Sam is not feeling well and I don't think you would like to see her in the condition she is in," Janet answered his question carefully. She didn't know how he would react so she rather stepped further away from him. She was afraid of him. What she saw in his eyes, the way he reacted to a slighest resistance, was frightening her. As if the world, which he saw in front of his eyes was limited to a single black line. What was behind the line he couldn't see.

„Why can't I go to see her? What's going on?" he asked calmly.

Janet couldn't look into his sad eyes. She bowed her head and watched the floor. She knew that it would hurt him. She tried to prolong the moment of silence. When she felt firm hands on her shoulders, she raised her head and looked into Jack's face.

„Sam is just going through the withdrawal symptoms," Janet whispered. The pressure of the firm hands on her shoulders weakened and his hands started falling resignedly down and then she lost the contact with his hands completely.

„Colonel, do not go there!" Janet screamed. Jack, despite the warning, ran towards the door of Sam's room and opened them. In the first second when he saw her fight with the drug he began to regret that he opened the damn door. Actually, he wasn't sure. Was he really feeling sorry or was he only afraid that he would feel hopeless again? He felt like he had just gone through a blizzard, every single muscle in his body was stiffened, the blood stopped flowing.

She looked terrible. He never thought he would ever think that about her. About Sam, about a woman, who has always took care of herself. Everytime, she looked beautiful, full of energy. Even in the fiercest battle she always looked beautiful. His own thoughts were confusing him. He felt like he was being torn apart. He wanted to be the knight, who would save her from the clutches of the evil witch drug, but on the other side he felt disgust for her.

She was writhing in convulsions, her forehead and hair were sweaty, her skin pale.

Her body was shaking and she could not stop screaming. It hurt so much.

She was sick all the time and had to use the sink which had been set up next to her bed. Her stomach was not even able to keep the little that she had managed to eat down..

„What did you do to me?" she was screaming. Tears started falling down from her eyes. She wished for it all to end. To be normal, that was the only wish she had.

„What are you punishing me for?" Sam was screaming when a couple of medics started to chain her hands to the bed. She was out of control and they had to prevent her from hurting herself. Janet was forced to take some extreme but necessary measures.

She resisted but was too weak to success. She felt the medics' cold hands which were painfully holding her wrists. During a really short moment, she was tied up to the bed and whatever she did, there was no way to break free from the chains. Sam kept moving and her hands couldn't stop fighting. She hoped to break the straps, she wanted to free herself.

„I am not a prisoner!" her creaky voice filled the room. Finally, she calmed down a little. She gave up the fight with the ties that were cutting into her wrists and beginning to cause bruises. She gave up the fight with the drug that was killing her slowly. At the beginning she wanted to break free from all of this and wished to be healthy again, but now she was diving more and more into the blissfull feeling. She wanted to give in to everything, maybe it would be less painful then.

She laid back on the pillow and sobbed quietly. Her need to scream was still strong but she knew nobody would hear her. She wanted to run away but the ties around her wrists would not let her do it. It felt like she was haunted by an animal and now she was falling into a deep trap.

„I would rather die!" she whispered sadly.

Jack's heart was breaking into pieces. He was still holding the handle of the door and tried to remain on his feet. The world beneath his feet began to sway from side to side, in the same rhythm as his indecision. Should he stay or should he run away?

The room was very quiet now, only accelerated and shrilled sounds were comming out of the devices. Sam calmed down again. She had overcome another seizure. She felt exhausted, opening and closing her eyes she was trying not to fall asleep. She was afraid of sleeping, she was afraid of the next attack. Sam didn't want to fall asleep, her nightmares scared her. Tiredness, pain and exhaustion won in the end and Sam fell asleep. She was breathing deeply and squeezing the blanket, she was covered with, in her hands like she was trying to stay connected with the reality somehow. Jack had not even realized how long he had been standing in the doorway. His eyes were still staring at her, he was watching her over.

He felt it was right.

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**_TBC_**


	6. Chapter 5

_Enjoy and review, thank you._

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_**Chapter 5**_

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„I would like to go home," sounded from the infirmary as Jack approached the half-opened door. He smiled. He was happy that Sam was once again interested in returning back to normal life. During the last few days he had only heard the words of resignation, this was a pleasant change.

„No way," answered Janet. She was afraid to tell her the truth, and that was, she was afraid to leave her alone. The infirmary was not so cosy, she knew that, but she was able to watch over her every day. Janet knew about her every move, about every single pill or injection she got, about every bout of withdrawl that she went through. Sam had already opened her mouth to let out a note about Janet's stubborness as Jack entered the room. She was sitting on the bed, wrapped in a blanket with hair ruffled. She has changed so much, Jack thought and closed the door.

„Doc?" he spoke to Janet and walked over to her.

„If Sam wants to go home, shouldn't you support her instead of telling her the opposite? What I've learned from you, is that, it would help her to fully recover if she was in the environment she knows the best, where she feels home and everything is familiar to her," he finished his sentence and before he could continue, Janet turned around so she was standing right in front of him.

„I would like to keep an eye on her, sir!" Janet answered firmly and hoped that Jack would not start protesting, but she knew him so well, she knew she was wasting her breath.

„But doctor, if you let me finish my sentence, I would explain everything to you," Jack protested. He liked to always have the last word. Sam was stting on her bed, watching both of them arguing. She was feeling like they had completely forgotten about her even though the whole conversation they were having was about her.

„Ehm," she cleared her throat to remind them she was still there.

„I am only saying," Jack started and turned to make an eye contact with Sam, „it would be better for you to be in a familiar environment," he tried to be serious.

„I think so, sir, but Janet is so stubborn," Sam exclaimed crossing hands on her chest giving them both the look of a baby, who is going to snarl.

„And that's exactly what I wanted to talk about but you are not giving me much space," Jack came back into the conversation with his firm voice.

„If Sam agreed," Jack crossed the room and came over to her, put his hand on her shoulder,"I can stay with her for a few days until she felt ready and I can keep any eye on her," Jack suggested and the looks, Janet and Sam just gave him, were priceless and surprising.

„The General hasn't given SG1 an assignment, he wants to wait until Sam has fully recovered," he added and smiled. He was proud. He had been practising for an hour in a locker room for this whole conversation. He didn't want to make any mistakes, but most importantly he didn't want to offend anyone.

Especially Sam.

He was afraid that she would refuse him, but after he looked into her eyes, after he saw her face and realized that she was actually thinking about it, even she sees the advantage of having someone by her side during the first days she would spend at home.

„It's weird, but I agree with that," Sam answered shifting on down from the bed. Janet immediately ran up to her and stopped her effort, grabbed her shoulders and tried to push her back onto the bed.

„You are going nowhere, sit still!" Janet ordered.

„It's really lovely that you both agree, but who asked me?" she added and put her hands into the pockets of her labcoat.

„Oh come on, doctor, don't be so bossy," Jack said and was one of the smiles he always used when he wanted to convince someone. Right now he wasn't sure if it was going to be succesfull. However, Janet got carried away by his smile.

„Ok, fine, but every morning and evening I want you to report about your situation, at least via the phone!" commanded Janet and her sight came back to Sam.

„And you, take care of yourself," she added and stroked her shoulder.

„Don't worry, Janet, I will."

„I will finish your report, prepare medication and then you are free to go."

Everything happened so quickly, it didn't even take an hour and she was sitting in the passengers seat of Jack's car. She had to admit, she liked this car. Everything seemed more cheerful and bright. She was smiling again. Finally, she was on her way home where she felt safe and where she didn't miss anything. Trying not to think about what happened to her, Sam decided to start again, Jack will surely support her. In the moment when Jack sat next to her and started the engine, it was like she had forgotten how to speak. Throughout the journey to her house she didn't say a word.

She was looking out of the window at the setting sun, thinking about the events of recent days. She shivered when she remembered the pain that accompanied each bout she had to go through.

„Sam?" Jack spoke to her when he noticed that something wasn't right.

She was trembling and was feeling cold.

„Are you alright?" he added anxiously. He cared about her more then he wanted to admit, alot more then he could admit.

„We're going to be there in a while," he tried to start a conversation. It ended up being a monologue. He was talking to Sam and she wasn't answering, in fact, he wasn't sure that she was listening at all.

She bundled up into her warm sweater that she was wearing, leaned her head against the seat and looked at the sky again.

„I am not even sure if I want to go back into my house," she spoke finally. „I am scared."

„What are you afraid of?" Jack asked gently. If he had known the reaction that his question would cause he would have rather kept his mouth shut. All the memories of the days, when she was sitting leaned against a bath in a dark room with her hand stretched, and a syringe laid right next to her, just came back. Feelings that were driving her mad and even feelings that caused her such a tremendous pleasure started returning to the surface. Sam tried to hide all those feelings deep inside but it all was still too fresh, and she knew that Jack could see her pain. Jack couldn't count how many tears had appeared on her cheeks. He pulled the cra to side the of the road and came to a stop. He unbuckled his seat belt, and reached out to Sam. He grabbed her by her shoulders and pulled her closer, hugged her tightly and let her cry.

„Don't worry, we will overome this. Together." He whispered to her ear and squeezed her even tighter. Sam calmed down, she was feeling safe. But for how long? What will happen when she sees her house? Will she be able to close the door of the bathroom without collapsing again? Why she doesn't know the answers for these questions?

Jack's grip loosened and Sam pulled herself away from him but not that far so they could still look directly into each other's eyes. Sam's eyes were still full of tears but it didn't stop Jack from gazing into them. Jack stroked her cheek and when Sam's lips approached his lips, he pulled back.

„I am sorry," she withdrew back and looked at the floor of the car. She was feeling terrible.

„It's alright," Jack whispered and when he was sure that Sam was feeling better, he started the engine and drove off the road. If it was under different circumstances, he would have kissed her. He loved her, he wanted her, but not like this, not while she was feeling alone and helpless. She would do it only because of the feeling of loneliness. And he didn't want it like that. He wanted her to be sure that the kiss came out of love.

The car finally stopped in front of the house. Jack turned the engine off and got out. He took the luggage from the trunk of the car and moved them to the pavement. He walked around the car and opened the door to allow Sam get out. He was acting like a real gentleman.

Sam was standing behind him watching the house. A grey and sad house to which she returned after all that had happened, after all she had been through. Sam was very happy she didn't have to go through this all alone. She took a deep breath, she felt Jack's hand hold onto hers, her eyes met his.

„Let's do it together, ok?" Jack wanted to show her his support. He squeezed her hand tightly and they both stepped forward.

* * *

TBC


End file.
